MOCK TRIAL OF THE CENTURY – by Freeman Tao

OYEZ! OYEZ! OYEZ!

Travis Mateer, has been found guilty by a jury of his peers, (and also pled guilty before a judge), and has been sentenced to two days hard labor in a prison camp in remote outer Mongolia (or something to that effect). In his absence, administrative control of Zoomchron.com and primary writing duties have been passed to Missoula Community Radio Uberhost, publisher of seditious handbills, and known cult-leader Freeman Tao. More information about your acting editor-in-chief will be forthcoming later (after the Stockholm Syndrome has had some time to set in), but first we’ll be furnishing you with more information on the fate of the devil you know and how we got here.

Here’s a picture of Travis turning himself in at the Missoula County Detention Facility. While his gaolers wouldn’t allow me inside to photographically document the act of him being placed in physical restraints, stripped and probed, I think that a keen viewer will still detect the shackles of surrender clamped tight around his suffocating soul. Note the prominent absence of a Lego meth lab in the foreground.

You’ll no doubt notice that this photograph is of sufficiently low quality that I myself should probably have some sort of sentence pronounced on me. This is because that photo was taken with my flip phone which I use for phone calls and text messages because I refuse to carry a fucking brain slug around with me in my pocket. If you’re informed enough/paranoid enough to be reading this blog in the first place then I don’t have to tell you that your smartphone is one of the strongest weapons your overlords (or narrative controllers as the crackpot who’s normally here would say) have against you. I won’t bother presenting objective evidence that the thing is programmed from scratch to manipulate you, deplete and diminish you, castrate you (that’s not a metaphor – You carry it right by your genitals every single day), because you have likely already noticed the deleterious effect it has had on the attention span and general cognition of yourself and your loved ones. The brain-rot “content” that has been industrially churned out to feed its slick, black maw has been painstakingly engineered to demoralize you, nullify you, brainwash you.

And it works. Rant over. Commencing next rant.

But first, for those of you that prefer decent resolution art in your informative fringe articles, here’s an artist’s rendition of what Travis PROBABLY looked like in court as he joyously confessed to committing a host of crimes (only two of which he was actually charged with). Yes, this image is either AI generated, or the low effort offering of an artist with intermediate competency in the open-source free equivalent of Photoshop. And yes, that is Travis’ face pasted over an image of OJ Simpson in court. If you know you know.

One quick note on what you can expect out of this blog while Travis is locked up – I’m making a point of posting this while Travis Mateer is incarcerated to display my own primacy as the ultimate authority of what is said on Zoomchron.com

You could think of me as the executive producer of Zoomchron.com and my 50% financial stake in paying the hosting fees for the website, came with a legal stipulation that I am not to be subjected to any censorship or editorializing from him in ANY WAY. Should any officers of the law or of the court take umbrage with anything I write on this website, know that I have taken measures to ensure that my writings are solely my own voice and responsibility, and there is nothing that anybody, not you, not Travis Mateer, can do to stop me.

I intend to show no respect whatsoever for the traditional values of decency or sanity, as I consider them a crude trammel for the transcendent beauty of the unrestrained human soul. It is my sincere hope that you, dear reader, will see in my sociopathic example, a boogeyman whose total depravity you can use to contrast against your own behavior with an “at least I’m not THAT bad” shrug, and with a little careful finagling, I hope you can use my unhinged ranting to rationalize and justify literally any behavior. I myself will be making underhanded attacks against citizens public and private, spewing copious slurs against any and all groups I’m obligated to mention, and generally cranking up the dial on the internet’s natural tendency toward panicky, bullshit, brainwashing slop, and it is my most sincere desire that you do whatever your equivalent is.

“Do what thou wilt” shall be the whole of the law.

What if I were to say that I am above the law?

This is definitely a question for the Zoomchron esoteric/legal team, who if I had consulted them before posting this would PROBABLY advise me not to post this sentence… or the above paragraph… the whole thing really. The hypothetical magicians/lawyers PROBABLY want me to play it safe, avoid poking the bear, ruffling feathers, saddling up the donkey, etc…

Fuck Safety.

One more rant of note before we plug Travis’ Impact Fund (and tell you how to put money on his commissary account so he can buy deodorant and shit in jail)…

PUBLIC TOILETS

You guys have been talking about PUBLIC TOILETS at the UNIVERSITY OF MONTANA.

I skimmed the Kaimin article and I found some bullshit to fixate on. I particularly liked the quote from 2024 university Alum River Watson, who said “It just seems like them promoting queer students, students of color [is] very, very performative, and just for marketing purposes.”

Here’s something I really like about these kinds of discussions in these hypersensitive forums: while that quote SHOULD be able to be read as a very clear and plain statement of position, there are actually two diametrically opposed possible interpretations of River Watson’s position (Mr. Watson? Miss Watson? Neuter Watson? YOU DON’T KNOW!). Is River Watson upset that the university’s performative Gay marketing is too much or not enough? Is River Watson saying they approve of performative gay marketing but they just need it to be more convincing, or like us, Is Mr/Mrs/Thing Watson bored to murderous rage by the very fact that the University feels they must waste all of our time and attention with some performative queer marketing?

[A quick side note: that Mr/Miss/Neuter Watson thing comes off meaner than I meant it to, but goes to the heart of the oddness of the whole situation. I was writing based on a quick perusal of Travis’ highlights of the article, and saw that the good but unintentionally enigmatic quote was from an Alumnus named River. Knowing the current state of things I knew that the first name River was inadequate to make a likely judgment about whether the quoted alum was male or female. Upon reading the original Kaimin article I see there’s a picture at the very top of River Watson holding a sign at the protest, and big fuckin surprise, I still can’t tell if this person is male or female or considers themself other, but I DO have a much better idea of which side of the unintentionally ironic paradox they WISH they fell upon. I’m not taking out the Mr/Mrs/Thing parts of my previous diatribe because the broad confusion is my whole point (or is it?). These people protesting at the university don’t actually know what they want. Some of them don’t even know who they are, that’s why their complaints are so amorphous and unaddressable.]

WHAT DO WE WANT? We’re not sure! WHEN DO WE WANT IT? Now!

Here’s another example of this schizoid paradox FROM THE SAME ARTICLE, and we’ll tie this one in with a personal anecdote!

The article talks about some gay students or trans or whatever, and “how they feel uncomfortable using all but a few bathrooms on campus.” So from reading the actual fucking article I see that what they’re complaining about is a lack of gender neutral bathrooms, I deduce from this that they’re more comfortable in gender neutral bathrooms, and I don’t fucking blame them. You may have picked up that I’m pretty fucking hostile to “The Tranny Agenda”, but what I lack in respect for groups, I like to think I make up for in respect for individuals. Say you got a nice cute femboy that decides to cut his dick off and go full tranny – Now he might have already looked a lot like a girl with the right clothes and makeup and angles, and after the pills and maybe surgeries and shit, yeah, she might be pretty damn passable, more people would think “woman” looking at her than “man” or “tranny”. Now the current one-size-fits-all government mandate is that people use the bathroom that corresponds with their biological sex, so now you’ve got somebody that looks like a woman going in a mens room, and once you look close maybe they look a little trannyish so they draw some heat about being in the wrong bathroom, but this is the one their republican overlords require them to use under pain of sex crime prosecution, and so on and so on. Its a bad situation. Un-FUCKING-comfortable all around.

So yeah, I get it. They want gender neutral bathrooms. I’m the kinda cat that casually drops the word “tranny” like 10 times in a paragraph about how I’m supposedly sympathetic to their discomfort and I STILL get it.

But here’s the other thing, the personal anecdote… I was on campus at the university a few years back… (I got expelled from the University of Montana a decade ago as an art project but that’s another story), and we were in the midst of what I would call the first of the “bathroom bill” crazes that now sweep the country every other year or so. I’m on the first floor of the library pulling microfiche articles by Ted Kaczynski (as one does), and I need to take a wicked shit. I’m talkin’ about a “clear the barracks”, “All hands on deck”, “Give me liberty or give me death” kind of bowel movement. My favorite kind. Now there’s two bathrooms on the ground floor of the library, just east of the main entrance, near the stairwell. This used to be a Men’s Room and a Women’s Room, but they’re now both labeled “All Gender Bathroom”. One of them is labeled “All Gender Bathroom (with urinals)”, so that one USED to be the Mens room and I would think de-facto kind of still is. Seems like a reasonable compromise to me. Let anybody use any bathroom, whatever, but tell everybody which one has urinals. Women are pretty unlikely to use the one they know used to be and still kinda is the mens room and people who wanna ride the line can probably get by in either one (and when I just have to piss I can feel casually superior to women who waste three times as much water on every flush). Cool. Great compromise. EXCEPT. Some motherfucker had the bathroom with the urinals fucking LOCKED. It wasn’t closed for maintenance or anything like that. I fucking checked. They locked it so everybody would use the same bathroom. They wouldn’t admit it but I’m fucking POSITIVE that some performative-morality motherfucker was intentionally making everybody, men and women and none-of-the-above, use the same bathroom as part of their poorly-thought-out agenda. They made me shit in a bathroom full of women because they thought it made THEM a good person to make me do so. And guess what? Using a ladies room to take a 70 decibel, 10,000 scoville unit, toxic-fart-cloud shit at 2pm on a Friday made me fucking UNCOMFORTABLE. It made the three attractive college girls who were trying to use the shitter at the same time EVEN MORE UNCOMFORTABLE. I’m not sure if there was a virtue-signalling, “You’re with us or you’re against us” tranny or tranny ally listening to me void my colon at the time, but if there was I wonder if it would have given them that feeling of comfort the students in this Kaimin article are talking about.

At last I’ll get to the fucking point. Like I said: I GET IT that they’re more comfortable in gender neutral bathrooms. I ALSO get it that in an institution that size, it isn’t practical to serve everyone’s pissing and shitting needs with single-occupancy bathrooms, so some or many group bathrooms comes with the territory. I know from PERSONAL FUCKING EXPERIENCE, that gender neutral bathrooms are uncomfortable for both men and women (not all the time, not in all situations, but gendered bathrooms aren’t uncomfortable for trannies in all situations either). So we as a society need to either come up with some grand solution that makes EVERYBODY uncomfortable when they or I have to take a gnarly, steaming shit in public, or one group or another needs to BUCK THE FUCK UP and deal with the fact that they’re not always comfortable at all times.

Really I’m good either way. There’s a lot more men and women than there are trannies, so having men and women bear the burden of the new growth of our society gives a little ammunition to my “Fuck you, we’re full fledged human beings and don’t need to play life on tutorial mode” attitude. BUT… Knowing a handful of trannies very closely I would say that a little bit of toughening up would actually help the young and youngish ones. The trannies I know under 30 are almost criminally soft (the ones I know over 40 are tough as nails though… Maybe bullying serves a purpose).

My most cynical (thus realistic) reading of this Kaimin article is that the varnish is coming off the performative coddling and a bunch of these students and alumni are learning that the institutions that have been performatively coddling them for so long never really gave a shit about them. And that is a HEALTHY realization. They NEEDED to know that institutions don’t give a fuck about them, and since tranny-baiting is no longer currently profitable or professionally expedient they’re finding out what institutions really think about them. This is such a beautiful educational opportunity. And I’d like to take this opportunity to convey to them as a fellow human being that: These institutions don’t manipulate and discard you because you suck dick or don’t suck dick, or because you cut your dick off or had your labia fashioned into a crude scrotum, or whatever. They manipulate and discard you because you’re a human being. Institutions that represent power and influence in our culture fucking hate and fear you because you are an individual. Doesn’t that feel great?

Fuck. Them.

Be your own person.

I can’t believe you actually read this whole fucking thing. You people will literally read any old shit, and that’s only because your brains are being literally and figuratively rotted by that fucking samsung brainslug you pay hundreds of dollars a month to keep operational. Go throw that goddamn cellphone in the river.

And with that, we’re out.

If you’d prefer to be ranted at by the familiar crackpot you’ve grown used to instead of this new kook who might hold views you find abhorrent (or perhaps tiresome [hopefully both]), you should donate to Travis’ Actively Rapey Impact Fucking Fund (TARIFF). In case you missed it when I mentioned it earlier, he’s literally in fucking jail, so all that talk about needing funds to pay his legal fees was less than 50% hyperbole. Also, HERE’s a link to put money directly on his commissary account so he can buy things in jail. If you know somebody that ends up in the clink (even on a short stay), the first and best thing you can do for them is throw a few bucks on their commissary account. It’s better than visiting them. Better for both of you. I don’t know if you’re aware of this, but they take away all your shit when they lock you up in there, and if you want any normal people stuff like stationary to write long-winded manifestos, or a toothbrush that’s longer than the 2-inch one they provide you, or some ramen noodles to get you through Thursdays when the Missoula County Detention Facility serves inedible rancid slop and calls it BBQ pork… You gotta pay for that shit, and at a premium markup. Prison-industrial complex applies even if you’re just in county jail for a day or two.

Click HERE to put money on Travis’ Commissary account

Come back tomorrow for more profanity-laced editorializing where I may or may not casually allude to a few facts established through rare acts of investigative journalism. I might even tell you how YOU could buy your way into an established local journalists’ audience so you can take advantage of his desperation to subject his readers to your hate-fueled rants.

Freeman Tao out. FUCK the bozos.

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