Yesterday Swung From Homeless To Hollywood

by Travis Mateer

I got the tip a few weeks ago from a young woman that someone was waving a gun around somewhere down the Kim Williams trail, which is near campus. She was warned, she said, by someone who may have been another camper in the area, so she obviously turned around and left. Second-hand information is unreliable enough, and this was third-hand information, so I put an exploratory bike ride on my to-do list for when the weather improved to see for myself what was happening in this part of Missoula.

As I biked down the gravel trail in my best dystopian garb, two ladies wearing bright colors ahead of me provided an opportunity to take a break from pedaling and workout my jaw muscles instead. I told them about my mission and dedication to local journalism, and they asked me if I was homeless. Next month, I told them, my residence will be on wheels. They nodded as if expecting this response. 

I continued and ran across one of the nicer campsites I’ve seen in my time, both as paid staff for the HIC (Homeless Industrial Complex), and my other incarnations, which has now clearly placed me closer to the social strata of urban campers than some middle-aged women out for a mid-morning stroll, which I’m fine with.

In addition to living on the fringes of society, I learned that the campers I met liked cats and Cannabis, both things I like as well. In fact, it was those two things that made the Transitional Safe Outdoor Space a NON option for them.

I didn’t have trash bags on me, but let them know I had some STURDY ones. Not only did they have good trash bags of their own, they ALSO handed them out to their neighbors in the area and encouraged their use. Sure enough, on my way out I noticed some bagged up trash near a tent on the river trail. Cool!

I shared some of the useful information I had, then assured them I would have bags and a joint on my next visit. 

My next order of business was to see how fucked my tire was. Did I mention a critical deflation occurred after I did some puppet practice on Higgins? Well, it did, and I confirmed my tire was still fucked in the early morning hours before my 9am deadline for risk-of-ticket, so I grit my teeth and paid the $18.50 I discovered it costs for 8 hours of protection from the dreaded meter-mobiles. I’d like to say I don’t need to sweat an unexpected cost of $18.50, or whatever the tire is going to cost, but such is life and my low point at this current juncture.

Whatever, I’ve made my choices, and my next choice was to notice yellow caution tape strung down an entire block where one of Liquid Planet’s many food properties sits, Pangea. Huh? Did a crime occur? It wasn’t until closer to my paid work-time that I saw a fancy vehicle parked in blatant disregard of the tape, like they belonged there.

And guess what? They did, which I determined by strolling into Pangea and asking about that fancy vehicle and my sudden interest in parking spaces and parking costs. “Oh, don’t worry, we paid,” a woman in the party of 5 or 6 said. I replied that there must be important things happening, but I wouldn’t ask about WHO the important people doing those important things might be, and walked out.

As luck would have it, the driver was outside and was NOT shy about telling me what this vehicle portends for our community, and what it portends is the return of the YELLOWSTONE production to our streets and neighborhoods.

I emailed Scott Billadeau, one of Liquid Planet’s owners, about the likelihood of a Liquid Planet property joining the club of locations this Hollywood production has used to sell people the idea of Big Sky Country. Here’s Scott’s carefully measured response:

There is a RICH irony here, and the irony is how Scott Billadeau bitched and moaned about the Higgins road diet over a year ago, and one of the reasons he was upset was the LOSS of parking spaces. Isn’t that funny?

KGVO News spoke to Scott Billadeau, co-owner of Liquid Planet in downtown Missoula on Tuesday about his strong opposition to the City of Missoula’s ‘Road Diet’ proposal for Higgins Avenue.

After attending a recent city council meeting, Billadeau put together a ‘synopsis of opposition against the Missoula downtown road diet.

Opposing things can be so tiring, something I know from experience. So how about SUPPORTING something, like voting for FREMN!

I was hoping this SIGN ENHANCEMENT (which is what I’m calling it now after watching a movie about the Bush era phrase enhanced interrogation) would be more appealing, but someone has already torn it down. Could it be the attention-getter on Twitter claiming responsibility for the previous signs’ theft?

I’ll let @StateOfBoise in on a little secret: ANY engagement with my antics makes me chuckle, so I’m appreciative of the response regardless of whether or not the effort was made to unscrew my shit.

I’m hoping to get some engagement tonight when I do my soft opening of the BOWIE AND BOOTY SHOW. Are you ready for what I’m about to bring, Missoula?

If you appreciate my perspective, Travis’ Impact Fund (TIF) could really use some support right now as I try grit my teeth for another $18.50 expenditure to keep the parking Nazis at bay.

Thanks for reading!