Another Location The Viral Vectors Known As Kids Won’t Be Spreading Their Germs Could Be A New Kind Of Homeless Camp

by Travis Mateer

As a parent with three kids, you might expect me to be upset that The Hub in Missoula is closing. According to this article from KGVO, the closing of The Hub is one of many family fun locations to call it quits. From the link:

It’s just another addition to the number of family venues and activities that we’ve seen close recently. Flying Squirrel Trampoline Park closed at the start of the year, The Giggle Box is about to end its run at Southgate Mall, the Missoula Maze has sold the property and future plans aren’t known at this point, and the Missoula Haunted House isn’t happening this year – and might be done for good. I’ve been reading the comments on social media about The Hub closing and one common theme is that parents are definitely frustrated that family activities around Missoula continue to close.

Frustrated? I don’t know why parents would be frustrated. Our NEW NORMAL sees kids as dangerous spreaders of disease unless they are masked and vaxxed, so maybe places where kids congregate for fun is just something we need to say goodbye to in order to keep us all safe.

With this big venue for kids now closed, what needs to happen next is clear: homeless camps.

Now, this kind of stuff has been tried before, like in Austin, Texas, where Desert News did a big write up on a sanctioned homeless camp, asking whether or not this type of setup is right for Salt Lake City.

What I’d like to propose is a little bit different than your average homeless encampment. Hear me out.

What I envision is a two-tiered homeless community where the entry-level tents are set up in the parking lot. The elite homeless guard will occupy the INSIDE of the building, training new homeless residents with different modalities of skill development.

The go-cart track can be repurposed to become an Uber training center, while the laser tag section will help qualified homeless learn the skills of the private security industry.

My favorite part of this vision is the chemistry classes that will be taught on site so that the homeless can MAKE instead of just USING their own meth.

Once we get the right recipe, maybe the business incubator on campus can help the homeless package and market their product. The sky’s the limit, especially if you’re tweaking on high-quality craft meth.

I know there will be critics and haters, but those people probably voted for Gianforte and gargle iodine, so fuck ’em.

All I need is a 2 million dollar government grant to make my vision a reality. Or maybe I should start a go fund me page.

Stay tuned….

About Travis Mateer

I'm an artist and citizen journalist living and writing in Montana. You can contact me here: willskink at yahoo dot com
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