by Travis Mateer
When did grief become an industry? A quick search online brings up some articles from 2004 and 2005 that gives a little insight into how the term “grief industry” has been defined. Let’s take a look.
The first article is from the New Yorker and examines the concept of professional “debriefing” sessions that some companies were bringing in to ostensibly help employees after big, national trauma events, like 9/11. From the link (emphasis mine):
The director of human resources at the travel agent’s company told me that she had arranged the debriefing session because “it made me feel that I was doing something for the employees.” She went on, “I saw behavior that worried me, people very upset after the attacks. I didn’t want the company to seem unfeeling.” Another concern that leads companies to hire debriefing services is the fear of litigation. Employees who have experienced a traumatic incident on the job, and who have subsequently been sidelined by P.T.S.D., have sued their companies. The Web site for National Employee Assistance Providers claims that its debriefing program insures “that the productivity of the work unit is not impaired.”
Hundreds of similar debriefing sessions took place in Manhattan in the days following the September 11th attacks. Did they help? One debriefing company told me that 99.7 per cent of the participants found the sessions beneficial. But such evaluations are subjective, and hardly scientific. In fact, only in the past few years has debriefing undergone serious scrutiny. Brett Litz, a research psychologist at Boston Veterans Affairs Medical Center who specializes in post-traumatic stress disorder, recently completed a randomized clinical trial of group debriefing of soldiers who were stationed in Kosovo. (Peacekeeping forces there were exposed to sniper fire and mine explosions, and discovered mass graves.) He summarized the academic verdict on debriefing as follows: “The techniques practiced by most American grief counsellors to prevent P.T.S.D. are inert.”
It should come as no surprise that “human resource” departments have the potential cost of litigation as a significant consideration motivating the use of professional grief services. The “help” in this situation is establishing the ability of HR to say to a lawyer: SEE, WE DID SOMETHING FOR THAT GRIEF-STRICKEN LIABILITY TO OUR CORPORATE BOTTOMLINE! Whether or not the employee actually benefits from a debrief session is more than likely a SECONDARY consideration.
The second article comes from the Wall Street Journal and makes an interesting case for saying NO to the grief industry. From the link (emphasis mine):
In the months after her son took his own life in 2001, Rhunette Long began attending meetings of a self-help group for suicide survivors. At each session, attendees retold the specifics of their loved ones’ deaths. Some had been coming and doing this for years.
“They were sobbing, and they kept saying they were angry at the person who died,” says Ms. Long, a 62-year-old retiree in Gilbert, S.C.
Group members told Ms. Long that she’d need to go through her “anger phase,” too. But she didn’t feel angry at her son, and didn’t believe that publicly reliving her loss was helping her. She also thought other attendees seemed “stuck” in their sadness. After three meetings, she stopped going. She now grieves for her son more quietly, and believes she’s coping.
Is there a legitimate risk to becoming “stuck” in one’s grief? What about a situation in which your grief is captured by national headlines, leading to an outpouring of emotional reactions that often come in the form of monetary donations? If your grief becomes your day job, is there any hope of ever moving forward?
The stated mission of the Gabby Petito Foundation is to “…address the needs of organizations that support locating missing persons and to provide aid to organizations that assist victims of domestic violence situations, through education, awareness, and prevention strategies.“
Ok, sounds great, but what does this mission actually mean? Could it mean giving money to worthy causes? Yes, like $15,000 dollars to a shelter in Martin County on the Treasure Coast:
A national organization Monday announced its plans to partner with an area nonprofit to combat domestic violence.
The Gabby Petito Foundation donated $15,000 to the Stuart-based nonprofit SafeSpace,
which provides domestic violence services and a safe haven to victims and their children seeking refuge from physical and emotional abuse.SafeSpace, located in Martin County, is the only certified emergency shelter on the Treasure Coast, said board member Thomas Bakkedahl. The donation will go toward opening a new, 19-bed shelter in Indian River County early next year.
“This money that will enable us to serve more victims is going to be just a real godsend,” Bakkedahl said. “We’re so grateful to Gabby’s foundation and her parents for selecting our organization to bestow this award upon.”
Could there be any financial help for Rebekah Barsotti’s family in the Treasure State? I know Gabby’s mother, Nicole Schmidt, and Rebekah’s mother are in contact, but there are lots of fingers in the Petito grief money, so what Nicole wants as a grieving mother is secondary now to the mission of the legal entity her grief has helped create.
The financial help from GoFund for Rebekah’s Legacy work has been decent, but no where near the cost of hiring private search and rescue, a private medical examiner, and TWO private detectives, including this guy:
We’ll get to the PI that Rolling Stone did an expose on in a moment, first I want to highlight two Montana journalists who are humbly included at Rebekah’s Legacy website alongside some names you might recognize, like Dateline.
Above the media links at Rebekah’s Legacy website are the Facebook links and contact numbers for tips, but oddly only ONE private investigator is listed. Is that because Jim Terry isn’t licensed in Montana, and therefore could only work in a limited capacity for Rebekah’s mother?
I reached out to Jim Terry on November 28th by texting him a question about whether or not he knew the former Sheriff of Mineral County, Mike Toth, BEFORE Rebekah Barsotti went missing. He called me back and explained how he knew OF Mike Toth, since they both had PI businesses and reality tv show aspirations. Isn’t that interesting? It gets better.
After telling me unlicensed PIs can only do work on missing persons cases, Jim boasted about STILL working with Rebekah Barsotti’s family on a different legal matter, one that has nothing to do with a missing persons case. No, this ongoing legal matter has to do with alleged harassment, and the question Jim Terry is helping Rebekah’s family answer is WHO might be doing the anonymous harassing by tracking the IP address.
Did Jim Terry tell me the results of his investigation? He did. Was that a smart thing for Jim Terry to do? That depends. If Jim Terry knows the grief industry better than I do, which I think he does, then this might indeed be a smart move for a “PI” who likes using as much abusive language as possible when he does his PI thing for his clients.
Maybe a better question is this: is it a smart thing for a grieving mother who wants to find meaning in her daughter’s death to continue using the PI services of someone who made quite a few people in Mineral County unhappy when he steamrolled them for information? I don’t think it is.
I’ve been wading through the cess pool of social media recently because anonymous commenters and potential sock puppets seem to be quite active on the Facebook page Mineral County Uncensored. For an example of the back and forth that’s occurring online, here is someone that goes by the name “Winston Riley”. This comment is a response to Rebekah’s mother, Angela Mastrovito:
Angela Mastrovito… Do you have a favorite stick you use to “stir up” crap in OUR county, or do you use just any old one? We get you suffered a horrible loss, and good on you for trying to shine a national light on domestic violence. But you are not Mineral County’s mother… This isn’t the first time you’ve heard this, please leave our local politics and issues to us who actually live here. I know you think (as proven by your constant butting in) that because we live in a small county, we are inept and need YOU to inform us of OUR “rights as citizens”… But I can assure you we don’t! Here in Montana we support law enforcement, please keep that “defund the police” mentality over there where YOU live. By continually stirring up drama in our community, its clear to everyone, your priorities are not to make things better, but to get revenge on an agency you believe wronged you. Although this is YOUR opinion, it only takes away from your cause and reflects poorly on your actual character. The community used the opportunity to be heard and elected Sheriff Funke last year. I guarantee no one believes in changing and making the Sheriffs Office better for the people of MINERAL COUNTY more than Sheriff Funke. Goals are not met overnight, nor are they met without support and encouragement. Those of us who are here every day see things changing for the better but also understand it takes time for things / decisions made by previous administrations to be undone and changed. To Sheriff Funke, Undersheriff Cashman and the Deputies who protect and serve the Mineral County community… we see you driving up and down our streets, checking our neighborhoods in between calls. We know you could go just up the road and make double what you are making here. Keep your heads up, be safe, stay true to your oath and most of all… THANK YOU!!! The loudest voices don’t always represent the majority…
Who does this sock puppet belong to? Could it be Sheriff Funke? Yes, it could be Sheriff Funke, but unless “Winston Riley” starts sending emails, then the identity of this sock puppet will be protected.
To show her stubborn resolve, Rebekah’s mother let everyone know she isn’t going anywhere and will continue to be a virtual presence, but to what end?
Yes, Angela Mastrovito thinks that WITH THE SUPPORT OF MONTANA she is going to wear down systemic corruption in this state. If this grieving mother wants to be successful, then I suggest she does some reflecting on the tactics she’s using, and the unforeseen consequences her crusade is having on those who still live here.
I never got an answer when I asked this grieving mother if she has recorded me without my consent because I suspect that she has. I did get a response when I indicated I had a bunch of phone records from her former son-in-law, but when I was told to burn these records, I said not without consulting a lawyer first, because that sounds like destroying evidence.
There’s a lot more I know about this case, but I’m going to save that conversation for the Attorney General’s Office, if they call me back. If not, then I guess Austin Knudsen will just have to wait for what I know to come out in a different way, and closer to his reelection efforts.
Maybe Austin doesn’t know what his Chief of Staff, Will Selph, told someone connected to the Barsotti case in a phone conversation that I was allowed to listen in on, so if he’s in the dark, here’s a hint: it’s about the crime lab, which is located in Missoula, and refrigeration. Does that ring any bells?
If the alarm bells aren’t ringing yet in Helena, they will be, and if the Ward 6 shit show in Missoula is any indication, you won’t be hearing much from local media about the REAL things happening in the shadows of Big Sky country.
Unless, of course, you’re paying attention to the work I’m doing. To help that work continue, possibly in a slightly different form, Travis’ Impact Fund (TIF) is still accepting donations, or you can use the donation button at my about page.
Thanks for reading!