by William Skink

It was a dire time in Western Mountain College Town (WMCT). Sure, there had been no violence, even as social unrest spread across the globe, but local officials wanted their community to be ready.

The new police Chief had some ideas, like put the word “community” in front of the word “policing”.

In a closed door meeting the Chief told the Mayor this linguistic innovation is similar to the magic of saying “mixed-use” when conjuring support for public money lining developer’s pockets.

Both men chuckled, knowingly.

“But Mayor,” said the Chief, “I’m afraid our boys in blue can’t just shift to visualizing “community” without some serious training. And serious training means training programs and infrastructure. And that means showers and lockers.”

“I know,” said the Mayor, “and I have a plan for that.”

“How are you going to get the public to go along with a funding increase?” The Chief asked, incredulously. “This isn’t really the environment to justify more money for policing.”

“Well,” said the Mayor, “I happen to know a word more powerful than community and mixed-use.” He paused to take a sip from a water bottle the communication director hoped was filled with just water.

“Blight.”

“Blight?”

“Yes, blight.”

“I’m not following.”

“Listen, Chief, when we declare something to be blighted, that means we can spend money on it. Public money, not budget money.”

“Really?”

“Yes, we did it with the mall, just declared it blight and built a road so the owner could flip the property to an out-of-state corporation. Doesn’t matter to me, as long as they’re paying their taxes.”

“So, police training for community policing?”

“Yes, it’s simple. Just think of a police officer’s brain as an empty lot. That’s blight. And training is the redevelopment plan. We want to build a community building in their brains, so to accomplish this goal–which will have a BIG community benefit, I might add–we can tap the special TIF funds to cover the cost.”

“Wow, you’ve been doing this for a long time, huh.”

“Chief, just stick with me, and make sure I get a police escort if I’ve had a late night at the office planning our Western Mountain College Town’s 147th brewery, and we’ll be ok.”

“Will do, Boss.”

“Thanks, Chief.”

The End?