by Travis Mateer

It’s difficult to keep up with the many schemes our illuminated braintrust is using to rapidly gentrify our humble little Zoom Town. Even an online news rag like the Missoula Current is finding it challenging to accurately report on these developments.

For example, this article by Alex Mitchell now features an editor’s note at the top of the piece clarifying that Tax Increment Financing was NOT used in recent property purchases on West Broadway. Here’s the note:

Editor’s note: This story has been corrected from an early version, which suggested tax increment financing would be used to purchase the Broadway properties. Proceeds from the sale of surplus water utility properties will fund the purchase.

The sale of these properties is bringing a vision of development first reported by Greg Strandberg at Big Sky Words closer to fruition. From the first link:

The properties include 1337 and 1359 W. Broadway, which are currently occupied by local businesses including Recompute Computers and Wooden Images. Both are also located next to Missoula Water, which the city plans to consolidate in the future, possibly with a move to Scott Street.

That would leave the three contiguous lots open for redevelopment into mixed-use housing at some point in the future.

From Hellgate Canyon to Palmer street, Broadway is going to look radically different in 10 years if all the development goes ka-ching like they’re planning. Condos will eventually be built on 4th street, the Missoulian building will probably be torn down for some modern looking monstrosity, and the tech boom will continue (thanks to Trump’s opportunity zone) on West Broadway.

Since our illuminated braintrust is good at creating PR fig leafs to appease critics, I’m sure some of this development will be billed as “affordable”. Maybe they’ll even call it WORKFORCE HOUSING.

But the overall impact will be a more desirable Zoom Town for the out-of-state newcomers with deep pockets who are excited to be leaving their failed states behind.

For those scrappy Missoulians trying desperately to hang on amidst this zoom-boom, don’t worry, there are tents for you to live in off highway 93 and other forested locations to call home.

Maybe in the future (if the price is right) we can do something REALLY cool, like these futuristic solar-powered sleeping pods for homeless people installed in a city somewhere in Germany:

If you know how challenging complex issues like homelessness are, and you feel guilty that your liberal utopia still features poverty and misery and addiction and violence, then these sleeping pods might just be the PERFECT solution.

And, as a BONUS, they could also double as safe container spaces for Trump supporters on their way to the reeducation camps.

EVERYONE WINS!!!