Did You Hear About Bernie?

by William Skink

Did you hear Bernie Sanders is a sexist? It’s true. He told Elizabeth Warren a woman can’t be president because she could start a war during “that time of the month”.

Don’t believe that video clip supposedly from 1988 showing Bernie explicitly stating a woman could be president. That video is a high-tech deep fake produced by communist China.

Did you hear Bernie Sanders is a Communist? It’s true. His robust Medicare for all plan is a trojan horse to slip a financial neutron bomb past US authorities in order to destroy America.

Don’t believe that CNN is some evil, biased corporation trying to take Bernie out. CNN is like a Patriot missile trying save America from an impending Bernie apocalypse. Thank you CNN.

Did you hear Bernie Sanders is a cyborg? It’s true. On his honeymoon in Russia Bernie was killed and replaced with a realistic cyborg facsimile and now he’s been activated by his remote handlers.

Don’t believe claims that Sanders is a Jewish human being with blood flowing through his veins. Obviously the absurdly consistent political positions he has maintained over the decades, and the fact his appearance hasn’t changed since 1988, should be enough evidence that Sanders is a dangerous cyborg designed by Russian and Chinese communists to bring America to its knees.

The only way America can be saved is to vote for Joe Biden. Only Joe Biden can save us.

Don’t believe the haters who say Joe Biden is a corrupt, senile pederast who likes to reminisce about children patting down his blonde leg hair. You only think that because Russia can beam foreign thoughts into your brain.

Please, resist Russia and China and their weaponized Bernie Sanders cyborg by throwing your support to Joe. Only Joe knows what America needs right now, dear citizens.

Only Joe can save us!

About Travis Mateer

I'm an artist and citizen journalist living and writing in Montana. You can contact me here: willskink at yahoo dot com
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3 Responses to Did You Hear About Bernie?

  1. Eric says:

    It appears that the Dems in Washington have decided to back Creepy Joe, but I’m not sure yet.

    Too early.

    I’m not dismissing the possibility of a brokered convention either.

  2. Big Swede says:

    “Guillotine the rich”

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