Is Missoula’s Mayor Race A Simple Matter Of Genitalia?

by Travis Mateer

My assertion in this post is that the majority of voters in US elections should be considered “low information voters”. So, while it might be a nice idea to think smart people who have nuanced opinions about complicated issues are the ones darkening bubbles for candidates, the reality is closer to most voters not knowing what the hell is going on, and our deplorable media industry is going to keep them that way.

Which brings me to Missoula’s Mayoral race and the very important question I have for local readers: are you going to vote for the penis or the vagina for Mayor?

I think the vagina has a very good chance of winning this race, and I’m basing this statement on graffiti. Specifically, there is a stencil I’ve seen spray-painted around town and it has a very simple message: vote women.

If Mike Nugent is serious about becoming Mayor, there’s a very simple action he can take to show us he’s serious about leading Missoula into the new era: CUT IT OFF, MIKE!

By cutting off his penis, Mike Nugent will be a much more compelling and competitive candidate for Missoula. Heck, I suspect even TIME MAGAZINE will take notice of Mike Nugent if he shows this kind of bravery and dedication to our NEW WORLD of extreme, body-modifying Transhumanism.

Maybe, if we’re a lucky human species, our Mayoral candidates will one day look like this:

Will Mike Nugent get brave? If he’s worried about what his wife might think, he should know that in this NEW AGE, appendages will be EVEN BETTER than those flesh sticks prone to dysfunction we currently have swinging between our legs.

Imagine a detachable, rechargeable appendage with multiple settings! Problems of size and lasting are problems no longer! Just look at how happy Ally Sheedy is!

Seriously though, I am very NOT interested in Missoula’s Mayoral race because I don’t think it matters one bit whether Mike or Andrea wins. The most interesting thing about this race is that Jordan Hess, Missoula’s SHORTEST placeholder Mayor, got taken out in the primary.

What does the Hess failure mean? It means members of the old guard, who aligned behind Hess, have some ass kissing to do, so the real question is WHAT ASS will they kiss? Will it be the ass that backs an external, linear set of genitalia, or the one that features an internal, more circular genitalia setup?

If you appreciate my crude breakdown of the political questions facing Missoula, Travis’ Impact Fund (TIF) is one way to support my work, and making a donation at my about page is another.

Thanks for reading!

About Travis Mateer

I'm an artist and citizen journalist living and writing in Montana. You can contact me here: willskink at yahoo dot com
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1 Response to Is Missoula’s Mayor Race A Simple Matter Of Genitalia?

  1. I discovered when I ran for legislature in 1996 what you already know … it’s a wilderness out there. People enter the voting booth with a few impressions collected from ads, and a tendency to vote party line.

    Which is why I don’t think in the end that voting matters (I don’t vote but do send in a blank ballot). But it is critical and crucial for people to believe their votes matter and are counted, hence the immense counting apparatus in place. Votes are tallied by thousands and thousands of volunteers, and then the black boxes take over and determine the outcome.

    But there are issues that override voter ineptitude, as seen in Montana when every major Democrat office holder was turned out and both houses of the legislature turned over to Republicans. Something similar should have happened nationally in 2022 but the overseers made sure that Democrats were virtually unscathed by their own tyrannical behavior during Covid. Just as I knew in 2020 when Biden swept Super Tuesday that the fix was on, and they just threw in the towel and gave it to him, so too do I know that a major trampling of Democrats was prevented by vote (not voter) fraud.

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