Put Down Your Pen, Gomer, And Grab Your Gun!

by Travis Mateer

I’m sad for Martin “Gomer” Kidston. Why? Because, instead of having the satisfaction of penning to death local Republicans speaking pro-Vladolph heresy, Gomer’s pen had to settle on some Democratic Socialists.

What a bummer.

The fun, like many Gomer pieces, begins with the headline, and this one is looooong. Here it goes. Democratic Socialists in Missoula: Deny arms to Ukraine, don’t expand NATO, U.S. partially to blame for war.

First, let me just commend the DSA folks for showing some nuanced thinking on this issue. Clearly, your nuance must be dealt with, and I’m glad it’s with Gomer’s pen because, despite the headline, I would be TERRIFIED if this former Marine had a real firearm to handle problems with.

Here’s how Gomer starts handling the problem represented by this meager DSA protest:

While Russia cuts off humanitarian corridors for Ukrainian refugees fleeing its invasion and indiscriminately shells population centers, a handful of Missoula residents gathered downtown on Sunday to criticize both sides of the conflict, laying blame on Russia, NATO and even the U.S.

The bold part is where I hear a literal GASP from our fearless pen-packer. The next part is even better.

Organized by the Western Montana Democratic Socialists of America, a crowd of roughly 50 people joined together holding Ukrainian flags and signs calling for peace over war. Their message was mixed with calls for peace and Ukranian freedom, but also a willingness to sacrifice those currently in harm’s way to avoid a wider conflict.

This bold part is where I’m tempted to call Gomer a pussy for NOT grabbing his gun and rushing to the conflict zone. I mean, Vladolph is INDISCRIMINATELY blowing shit up for no reason other than Covid made him insane and he’s old and he wants the proud USSR to rise from the ashes of Yeltsin’s vodka stupor.

But no, Gomer is too busy shaming DSA protestors for anti-war wrong-think with utter shit-propaganda like this:

With the war already underway and Russian forces laying waste to Ukrainian cities and population centers, those at the rally said the U.S. should deny the urge to send arms to Ukraine, along with establishing a no-fly-zone. 

While doing so will likely lead to the eventual fall of a free and Democratic state, experts have suggested, those at the rally contend that NATO never was a success and has only served to provoke Russia.

I’d like to eviscerate this little excretion, but it’s getting late, so instead I’ll post this video I made 4 years ago called BringYrBabies2War.

About Travis Mateer

I'm an artist and citizen journalist living and writing in Montana. You can contact me here: willskink at yahoo dot com
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