My Search For Someone To Cancel Led Me To…

by Travis Mateer

I saw a sign and it opened up my mind…TO CANCEL SOMEONE!

Here’s what happened.

I was at one of my favorite places looking for historical relics (I’m building a time machine) when I ran across a sign. From the little card on the back, I ascertained this sign came from the Missoula County Fairgrounds.

Here’s the offending content:

historical sexist feline penis reference

Clearly the place to start was with the vendor who thought to profit off this sexism, so I called the number I found online.

Unfortunately, the person I spoke with was really nice, she really likes history, and she was not someone I had the heart to cancel.

Next I called the fairgrounds, where I got some idea from the person who answered the phone that the maintenance shed this sign came from had virtually NO INTEREST from community members when it was torn down, so I guess that’s why a salvage outfit ended up with it.

Who could I direct my ire over this notion that a tom cat’s penis is NOT a tool to joke around about?

It seemed there was no one satisfying enough for me to cancel over this dangerous mockery of the terrible, horrible, threatening phallic symbol of oppression by the patriarchy.

That’s when I had an epiphany! Who SPENT MONEY on this sign, thus helping create a viable market for the commercial exploitation of non-penis packing pussy cats?

Me, that’s who.

So clearly I am the one who needs to be cancelled.

Realizing my unforgivable transgression, I decided to walk around wearing headphones, waiting for the lethal madness of traffic to end my life.

But, alas, it appears a higher power has more plans for me, for here I remain, very much alive, and ready to combat those tool-packing tom cats wherever I find them.

Even if they’re staring at me from the other side of a mirror!

About Travis Mateer

I'm an artist and citizen journalist living and writing in Montana. You can contact me here: willskink at yahoo dot com
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