by William Skink

Beto is Great-o. He has a great smile, perfect hair and a non-Progressive voting record. What more could you want?

How about a poem written under the pseudonym Pysychedelic Warlord in 1988? Here you go:

I need a butt-shine
Right now
Your are holy,
Oh, sacred cow
I thirst for you,
Provide Milk

Buff my balls,
Love the Cow,
Good fortune for those that do.
Love me, breathe my feet,
The Cow has risen.

Wax my ass,
Scrub my balls
The Cow has risen,
Provide Milk.

Oh, Milky winder, sing for us once more
Live your life, everlusting joy.
Thrust your hooves up my analytic passage,
Enjoy my fruits

Provider of Cheese and other wonderful dairy products,
We will cleanse your inner intestines.
We will bathe in your Pungent Odor
Gather cotton.

Count my eyes,
Smell my skin,
Love the Scarecrow and the Milkman.
I live only for eternity,
Thirst for the undrinkable.
Hold the heat,
Praise the dough boy at the pizza shop.
Love the Oxen dung!