by William Skink

It must be weird for a celebrity like Sharon Stone to have family in a podunk state like Montana. Even worse, to have your family treated like–gasp–REGULAR PEOPLE! And, to add to the insults, the Governor is NOT EVEN RETURNING YOUR CALLS! What is this world coming to?!?

In today’s bonus celebrity post, we will look at the horrors celebrities like Sharon Stone are facing, and the solution she is offering us lowly citizens of the state that is killing her sister. From the link:

Sharon Stone is opening up abut her sister’s battle with the coronavirus, and she is blaming “non-mask wearers” for her sister’s health crisis. Over the weekend, the actress shared photos of her sister, Kelly Stone, and the hospital room in Montana where she is getting treated for COVID-19.

As celebrities flee their coastal Covid hotspots to become vectors in rural states like Montana, this particular celebrity is making the leap that those horrible NON-MASK WEARERS are to blame for her sister’s illness.

If only we Montanans could be more consistent in putting fabric across our faces, then maybe our humble rural state could provide better hideout services for entitled celebrities and their family members. You see, Kelly Stone drove to Montana in March and never expected the dreaded Covid to find her in Big Sky Country:

“This is us. March 13. Drove to our paradise in Montana,” Kelly wrote. “We thought covid wouldn’t and couldn’t find us. No shopping, no parties, barely saw a human. Now fighting for a breath.you don’t want covid.”

What are we going to do to stop this terrible situation in Montana where NON-MASK WEARERS are threatening our famous neighbors and celebrity family members can’t even get a test if they are not symptomatic? Stone continues describing her sister’s terrible Montana ordeal:

“In Montana where they live, you can’t get tested unless you’re symptomatic and then you don’t get your test results for five days,” Stone said.

“Also, the people that they came in contact with, like my mother, who’s had two heart attacks, five stents, and a pacemaker in the last five months, couldn’t get a test because she wasn’t symptomatic even though she could have been their asymptomatic contact that gave them COVID,” she continued. “The nurses in the hospital that are taking care of them can’t get tested because they don’t have tests to test them with.”

Yep, not a good situation for Sharon Stone’s sister. And for some crazy reason our Governor hasn’t been returning her calls!

On Instagram, Stone said she had been calling Montana Governor Steve Bullock but he was not returning her calls. She also said the local health department is “hanging up on me.”

“This is the state of affairs in the middle of our country, where you, the people, in the middle of the country are at risk of dying from COVID,” she said.

Did you hear that MIDDLE COUNTRY PEOPLE? We are at risk of dying from COVID! It turns out Montana is not a magical state hermetically sealed and ready to offer pristine living conditions for families of the famous. It’s a good thing Montana media is jumping to tell Sharon’s sad story so we can clearly do what will save us all–VOTE JOE AND KAMALA!

Stone pleaded with viewers to use their vote to make a change. “The only thing that’s going to change this is if you vote. And if you vote for Biden and if you vote for Kamala Harris,” she said. “And the reason that’s going to happen is because with women in power, we will fight for our families. We will fight for people to live and we will fight for people to get tested. Because the only countries that are doing well with COVID are the ones with women in leadership.”

First, it should be noted the Joe Biden is not a woman. He likes inappropriately touching them, and the smell of their hair, but he is not of their tribe. Maybe Stone is making the assumption that, once elected, senile Joe will be quickly retired, and Copmala subsequently anointed. Is that the plan?

Later in the day, Steve Bullock took time out of his campaigning/Covid “leadership” to respond to this entitled celebrity:

Gov. Steve Bullock said Monday his office has been in contact with actress Sharon Stone, shortly after she posted on social media about her sister, in which she said it took five days in Montana to get test results for COVID-19.

He said Stone called the governor’s office last week but there was no indication of family members in hospitals and she offered to be part of a fundraiser to increase funding for testing.

Bullock said in a news conference in which he was discussing Montana’s fire fund and budget that the state is working with health care providers to make sure they have the resources they need for testing and “we’re continuing to do the work to get rapid turnaround testing … 2-5 days … everywhere across the state.”

Montana, we can do better. Sure, our state is sparsely populated, and relatively poor, and pretty damn old, but it’s important we try harder for all the celebrities who are hunkering down in their second homes.

You can do it, Montana!

Snark aside, I do need to thank Sharon Stone. I started a poem yesterday that she helped me finish. Enjoy!

ADIOS STONE
for S.S.

goodbye California, goodbye N-Y-C
goodbye hipsters setting trends and
behold the empty streets

echoes on 5th avenue as smoke fills
urban skies, as gun shots reverberate
while mayors blink and lie

goodbye bonds and subsidies, goodbye
payroll tax, millennial hopes now are pinned
on old boomer’s final naps

adult protective services can’t stop all
the sharks, beware the hand that offers help
strumming angelic harps

goodbye trust in language, goodbye
syrup lips, we know how your poison
comes at us like a kiss

slowly how it moves from skin in-
to our blood until the dumb, beleaguered public
has finally had enough

whenever will that happen, O people
gnashing teeth, when will you finally disabuse
yourselves of their disease?

goodbye expectations, goodbye Sharon Stone
who believes your sister really calls
Montana home?

to survive a basic instinct bringing celebrities
to our state, who then bitch and moan
when everything’s not great

Covid ain’t no production where you
can demand they change the script, so
goodbye stupid stars

you already sold your ticket